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Sunday, September 21, 2014

How Can Russia Return to the World's Good Graces Again?

               In my previous posts I have decried the illegal actions of Vladimir Putin who has acted like a spoiled child who did not get his way. The annexation of Crimea was a temper tantrum by a spoiled child that must be undone. Crimean citizens- even the Russian speaking ones Vlad are suffering because of your impudent actions. Their water has been cut off by Ukraine because you failed to pay the bill. Maybe, if you take the water bill balance off of what Ukraine owes you for natural gas it might help.

Here are some additional steps in the right direction:

1. Return Crimea to Ukraine with the understanding that Crimea will be given autonomy and will in 15 years be declared independent of both Russia and Ukraine. After all, has not Russia punished the Tartars enough over the past 200 years?

2. Remove all of Russia's troops, advisers, and military equipment from eastern Ukraine and stop illegally crossing Ukraine's territory without permission.

3. Recognize the present government of Ukraine as the official government of Ukraine.

4. Stop threatening other countries.

5. Realize that you are only one small part of Russia and that you ultimately owe your life every day to your countrymen who have not killed you in your sleep.

6. Look into the mirror and say five times, "Boy have I made a mistake interfering in Ukraine's internal affairs."

7. Go see a doctor and have STD tests run. Remember that Adolph died of Syphilis, you could too.

8. Apologize for your mistakes and make amends. Give Lithuania's ship back to them. It's not nice to take other children' toys without asking.

9. Cut back on your nuclear programs and change your rhetoric to peace instead. You will be amazed at the reaction you will get.

10. Pay damages to the relatives who lost friends and family members on Malaysia's MH 17. I know that you personally did not fire the rocket, but your country supplied the rocket that ended their lives. Take responsibility for your actions. For once, act like a grown man. Say you are sorry for their losses even if you do not mean it (you probably won't) and pay for the funerals and compensate these people for the suffering that your actions brought into their lives.

If you do these eleven things in the next 30 days I will recommend that the sanctions be withdrawn against Russia. If you do not choose to do these things, it will be another long cold war. You had better beef up your personal security. Your countrymen will not be happy campers. No one wants to do business with you, not even China. They only cut a deal with you to boost their own lagging economy. Brazil's economy is in the tank as is South Africa's. BRICs cannot compete. Apologize and be done with it already.

I will expect a timely response from you within the next two weeks. Repeat after me, "I am sorry that I overreacted and that I invaded Crimea and Ukraine without provocation. Both Russia and I want to be good neighbors in the world. War is not good for anyone, and certainly not good for the Russian citizens and the Russian economy.  I resolve to be a better leader and a better neighbor in the future. I apologize for my remarks concerning nuclear war and any future invasion of any country. I was having a bad day that day. I am feeling better now."

Something like that would be fine if you actually mean it.

By the way, stop copying from North Korea's play book. You know that no one wins a nuclear war. Have you not seen the movie "War Games" with Matthew Broderick?  "With a nuclear war, the only way to win is not to play."


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